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#44066 - 07/01/16 02:56 PM Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread
Cast Offline
Outdoorsman

Registered: 03/19/16
Posts: 79
Went golfing with my Grandpa yesterday. We were on the 12th hole and I hit my tee shot a bit to the left. When we got to my ball there was a big 40ft tree right in my way and I was just going to hit around it when my grandpa chimed in:

“Ya know, when I was your age I could hit it right up and over that tree.”

Well, not to be outdone, my ego took over and I grabbed my 9 iron to hit it right over that tree. I took my shot and THWACK the ball hit dead center of the tree and bounced back 30 yards behind me. That’s when he chimes in again:

“Of course when I was your age that tree was only 2 feet tall.”
_________________________

Cast

I have a short attention spa



Top
#44067 - 07/01/16 06:55 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Capt. Guts Online   content
LFF Captain

Registered: 04/21/11
Posts: 8911
bang

Top
#44093 - 07/05/16 10:07 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Cast Offline
Outdoorsman

Registered: 03/19/16
Posts: 79
ADVICE AND OBSERVATIONS

I don’t trip over things, I do random gravity checks.

I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off.

Old age is coming at a really bad time.

When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment … now, it just feels like a small vacation.

The biggest lie I tell myself is … “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”

Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change things I can and the friends to post my bail when I finally snap.

I don’t have grey hair. I have “wisdom highlights”. I’m just very wise.

My people skills are just fine. It’s my tolerance to idiots that needs work.

Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a piece of paper.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would’ve put them on my knees.

The kids text me “plz” which is shorter than please. I text back “no” which is shorter than “yes”.

I’m going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I’ll do that second week.

Even duct tape can’t fix stupid … but it can muffle the sound.

Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.

Oops! Did I roll my eyes out loud?

At my age “Getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what I actually came in there for.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes; come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller?

Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet.
_________________________

Cast

I have a short attention spa



Top
#44110 - 07/07/16 06:03 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Capt. Guts Online   content
LFF Captain

Registered: 04/21/11
Posts: 8911

Top
#44993 - 11/29/16 07:05 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas
LIVING IN THE MODERN WORLD

One buzz word in today's business world is MARKETING!

Try explaining marketing to your Blond Girlfriend in terms she can understand.

Well, here it is:

* You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to
him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."

That's Direct Marketing.

______________________________ ______________________________ _____________________
* You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy.
One of your friends goes up to him and, pointing at you, says,
"She's fantastic in bed."

That's Advertising.
______________________________ ______________________________ _____________________

* You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his
telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic
in bed."

That's Telemarketing.
______________________________ ______________________________ ____________________

* You see a guy at a party; you straighten your dress. You walk up
to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I?" and reach up to
straighten his tie, brushing your breast lightly against his arm,
and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."

That's Public Relations.
______________________________ ______________________________ ______________________

* You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and
says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed."

That's Brand Recognition.
______________________________ ______________________________ _________________________

*You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He fancies you, but you
talk him into going home with your friend.

That's a Sales Rep.
______________________________ ______________________________ _________________________

* Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you.

That's Tech Support.
______________________________ ______________________________ _________________________

* You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be
handsome men in all these houses you're passing, so you climb onto
the roof of one situated towards the center and shout at the top of
your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!"

That's Facebook.
______________________________ ______________________________ _________________________

* You are at a party; this attractive older man walks up to you and
grabs your [censored].

That's Donald Trump.
______________________________ ______________________________ _________________________

* You didn't mind it, but twenty years later your attorney decides
you were offended and you are awarded a settlement.

That's America !

Top
#44995 - 11/29/16 11:02 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
cappy Offline
Angler

Registered: 09/13/11
Posts: 251
Loc: Louisiana
Boudreaux and Thibodeaux were eating some crawfish, and of course, sucking the heads. Boudreaux accidently sucked one down his windpipe, started to choke, and turned blue. Thibodeaux was horrified and knew he had to save his lifelong friend. Remembering something he had heard about saving a choking person, he ripped Boudreaux's trousers down and licked him straight up the crack of his butt. Well, this made Boudreaux so sick that he puked out the crawfish head.
After catching his breath, he turned to Thibodeaux and said, "Mais, Thibodeaux, you know you are my best fren and I love you for savin my life. But I just have to ax, what was dat ting you did to me? Dat was disgusting!
Boudreaux beamed and said, "Dat was dat dere hineylick maneuver dey talk about.

First one I thought of sorry I know its an oldie.
_________________________
Our blog:
http://cappyandpegody.blogspot.com/

Top
#44996 - 11/29/16 12:28 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Cast Offline
Outdoorsman

Registered: 03/19/16
Posts: 79
What's with all the fuss about Black Friday? All Fridays matter.
_________________________

Cast

I have a short attention spa



Top
#44997 - 11/29/16 02:40 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
BernieOfCarthageTx Offline
Angler

Registered: 09/07/14
Posts: 490
I dont know why they dont call it Thanksgiving Clearance Sale? soapbox
_________________________
The Best Lakes in the ArklaTex!
Toledo Bend Pinkston Murvaul
Caddo Cross Just take you pick!

Top
#45002 - 11/29/16 07:02 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Capt. Guts Online   content
LFF Captain

Registered: 04/21/11
Posts: 8911

Top
#45045 - 12/03/16 02:13 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
cappy Offline
Angler

Registered: 09/13/11
Posts: 251
Loc: Louisiana



Edited by cappy (12/03/16 02:16 PM)
_________________________
Our blog:
http://cappyandpegody.blogspot.com/

Top
#45046 - 12/03/16 03:27 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Capt. Guts Online   content
LFF Captain

Registered: 04/21/11
Posts: 8911
bang

Top
#45064 - 12/07/16 05:14 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
cappy Offline
Angler

Registered: 09/13/11
Posts: 251
Loc: Louisiana
Sorry but I love a good pun. if there be such a thing!
_________________________
Our blog:
http://cappyandpegody.blogspot.com/

Top
#45119 - 12/14/16 04:54 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

>
> > Frank and Dianne were in a local shopping center just
> before Christmas.
>
> > Dianne suddenly noticed that Frank was missing, and as
> they had a lot to do, she called him on his cell phone.
>
> > Dianne asked, "Frank, where are you?
> You know that we have lots to do."
>
> > Frank said, "Do you remember the jewelry store we
> went into about 10 years ago, and you fell in love with a diamond
> necklace? I could not afford it at the time, and I said that one day I would
> get it for you."
>
> > Little tears started to flow down Dianne's cheek, and she
> got all choked up. "Yes, I do remember that shop," she replied.
>
> > "Well, I'm in the Hooters next to that."

Top
#45120 - 12/14/16 07:19 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Capt. Guts Online   content
LFF Captain

Registered: 04/21/11
Posts: 8911

Top
#45126 - 12/15/16 07:01 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#45127 - 12/15/16 07:16 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Capt. Guts Online   content
LFF Captain

Registered: 04/21/11
Posts: 8911
notworthy roflmao

Top
#45131 - 12/15/16 02:48 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
cappy Offline
Angler

Registered: 09/13/11
Posts: 251
Loc: Louisiana
2 older gals walking down the street one says to the other My husband just got me a dozen beautiful roses for no reason at all.

The second gal said oooooh that would be enough to keep my legs in the air for a week!!

The first(blonde) gall replied HMMMMMMM, I just used a vase!!

ring and a boom boom ching
_________________________
Our blog:
http://cappyandpegody.blogspot.com/

Top
#45132 - 12/15/16 05:36 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Capt. Guts Online   content
LFF Captain

Registered: 04/21/11
Posts: 8911
bang

Top
#45133 - 12/15/16 06:52 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#45134 - 12/15/16 07:19 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Doctoordan]
Capt. Guts Online   content
LFF Captain

Registered: 04/21/11
Posts: 8911
up flag

Top
#45138 - 12/16/16 07:53 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Armadilla Offline
Outdoorsman

Registered: 05/17/15
Posts: 247
Loc: Texas
RETIREMENT BONUS

The Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for Retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any Two points in his body.. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.

The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.

The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked Out with $96,000.

The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied,

'From the tip of my weenie to my testicles.'

It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two Officers had received.


But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a Medical Officer.

The Medical Officer arrived and instructed the Chief to 'drop 'em,' which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's weenie and began to work back. "Dear Lord!", he suddenly exclaimed,

''Where are your testicles?''



The old Chief calmly replied, '' Vietnam ''.
_________________________
the armadilla....



Whitney Lake Online

Top
#45140 - 12/16/16 11:53 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#45150 - 12/18/16 08:55 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#45183 - 12/22/16 07:40 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Capt. Guts Online   content
LFF Captain

Registered: 04/21/11
Posts: 8911

Top
#45247 - 01/02/17 03:30 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#45307 - 01/10/17 08:11 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Capt. Guts Online   content
LFF Captain

Registered: 04/21/11
Posts: 8911

Top
#45330 - 01/14/17 03:20 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#45360 - 01/18/17 10:21 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#45362 - 01/18/17 06:43 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Capt. Guts Online   content
LFF Captain

Registered: 04/21/11
Posts: 8911

Top
#45371 - 01/19/17 04:08 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#45372 - 01/19/17 09:10 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Capt. Guts Online   content
LFF Captain

Registered: 04/21/11
Posts: 8911

Top
#45385 - 01/21/17 10:25 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Capt. Guts Online   content
LFF Captain

Registered: 04/21/11
Posts: 8911
A couple had two little boys ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons would get the blame.
The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, and asked to see them individually. So, the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.
The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"
They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open. The clergyman repeated the question. "Where is God?" Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice some more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God!?"
The boy screamed and bolted from the room. He ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in big trouble this time! God is missing and they think we did it!"

Top
#45388 - 01/22/17 07:46 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas
Trumps new Press Secretary

Top
#45433 - 01/28/17 10:58 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#45449 - 01/29/17 08:25 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas


Top
#45455 - 01/30/17 05:55 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#45471 - 01/31/17 12:58 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#45473 - 01/31/17 07:46 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Capt. Guts Online   content
LFF Captain

Registered: 04/21/11
Posts: 8911

Top
#45479 - 02/01/17 08:12 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#45488 - 02/02/17 06:42 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#45496 - 02/03/17 10:08 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas
Invis-a-blind. Probably need a flashlight to,find it.....even during the day.



Top
#45497 - 02/03/17 01:06 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Capt. Guts Online   content
LFF Captain

Registered: 04/21/11
Posts: 8911

Top
#45499 - 02/03/17 10:15 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#45502 - 02/04/17 06:11 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#45511 - 02/05/17 07:43 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#45521 - 02/06/17 06:53 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#45525 - 02/06/17 01:07 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#45526 - 02/06/17 01:20 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Capt. Guts Online   content
LFF Captain

Registered: 04/21/11
Posts: 8911
up

Top
#45528 - 02/06/17 08:43 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#45533 - 02/07/17 10:44 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#45538 - 02/07/17 07:29 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas
Fetch!


Top
#45553 - 02/08/17 08:58 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#45568 - 02/10/17 12:27 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas


Please excuse the Budweiser can. It's no longer owned by an American company.
I will have to "council" Fido on proper LFF etiquette.

Top
#45573 - 02/11/17 08:52 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#45580 - 02/12/17 08:27 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#45588 - 02/13/17 08:16 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#45595 - 02/13/17 10:06 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
BernieOfCarthageTx Offline
Angler

Registered: 09/07/14
Posts: 490
The jokers are the guys that forget the flowers and roses! bang
_________________________
The Best Lakes in the ArklaTex!
Toledo Bend Pinkston Murvaul
Caddo Cross Just take you pick!

Top
#45608 - 02/14/17 04:30 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#45633 - 02/15/17 04:41 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Capt. Guts Online   content
LFF Captain

Registered: 04/21/11
Posts: 8911
We never discuss boobs here .... except Obummer

Top
#45635 - 02/15/17 05:28 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#45645 - 02/16/17 08:20 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas


Had to edit the text with a crayon.

Top
#45659 - 02/18/17 07:23 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas
Just couldn't find a sign for back yard gate that I liked so I had one. Custom made.


Top
#45660 - 02/18/17 09:49 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Capt. Guts Online   content
LFF Captain

Registered: 04/21/11
Posts: 8911

Top
#45680 - 02/19/17 11:54 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#45681 - 02/19/17 12:18 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Cast Offline
Outdoorsman

Registered: 03/19/16
Posts: 79

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth.

A female student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other. She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look magnificent."

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely: "Are- My - Test - Results - Back?"
_________________________

Cast

I have a short attention spa



Top
#45689 - 02/19/17 07:38 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
BernieOfCarthageTx Offline
Angler

Registered: 09/07/14
Posts: 490
Goot one
_________________________
The Best Lakes in the ArklaTex!
Toledo Bend Pinkston Murvaul
Caddo Cross Just take you pick!

Top
#45697 - 02/20/17 08:08 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#45725 - 02/21/17 07:23 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#45742 - 02/22/17 06:42 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#45749 - 02/22/17 04:21 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#45754 - 02/22/17 05:33 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Capt. Guts Online   content
LFF Captain

Registered: 04/21/11
Posts: 8911
Too many salad bars eh

Top
#45756 - 02/22/17 07:48 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas
Democrats have picked their new DNC chairman.


Top
#45769 - 02/23/17 08:24 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#45774 - 02/23/17 06:37 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas
Mitz-mobile.



Top
#45794 - 02/24/17 05:43 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas
Had to remove reference to the resultant conversation.




Edited by Doctoordan (02/24/17 05:51 PM)

Top
#45795 - 02/24/17 08:54 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Capt. Guts Online   content
LFF Captain

Registered: 04/21/11
Posts: 8911

Top
#45799 - 02/25/17 06:01 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#45802 - 02/25/17 08:48 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Capt. Guts Online   content
LFF Captain

Registered: 04/21/11
Posts: 8911

Top
#45808 - 02/25/17 09:18 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas
Nosey neighbors......try this!


Top
#45840 - 02/27/17 08:30 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#45872 - 02/28/17 04:08 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#45878 - 02/28/17 06:40 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Capt. Guts Online   content
LFF Captain

Registered: 04/21/11
Posts: 8911

Top
#45886 - 03/01/17 06:35 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#45899 - 03/01/17 07:48 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#45914 - 03/02/17 05:13 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas
Not pointing any fingers FR.


Top
#45916 - 03/02/17 08:55 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#45929 - 03/03/17 04:04 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Capt. Guts Online   content
LFF Captain

Registered: 04/21/11
Posts: 8911

Top
#45935 - 03/03/17 06:15 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
BernieOfCarthageTx Offline
Angler

Registered: 09/07/14
Posts: 490
He is a bad dude and always has been.
_________________________
The Best Lakes in the ArklaTex!
Toledo Bend Pinkston Murvaul
Caddo Cross Just take you pick!

Top
#45942 - 03/03/17 08:04 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#45966 - 03/05/17 08:53 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#45987 - 03/06/17 10:41 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#45997 - 03/07/17 07:11 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#46015 - 03/08/17 07:41 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas
We should all take every opportunity to increase our vocabulary, especially words that we can use daily.


Top
#46029 - 03/09/17 06:55 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#46040 - 03/10/17 07:49 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas
Haven't been feeling good lately so........


Top
#46047 - 03/11/17 01:29 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#46058 - 03/12/17 09:47 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#46090 - 03/15/17 10:25 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas
Ok.....I'm addicted


Top
#46098 - 03/16/17 09:18 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#46100 - 03/16/17 02:02 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas



Adult Riddles ~

Q. What is the difference between a Drug Dealer and a Hooker?

A. A Hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

Q. What's a mixed feeling?

A. When you see your Mother-In-Law backing off a cliff in your new car.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q What's the height of conceit?

A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q. What's the definition of 'Macho'?

A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?

A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?

A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q.Why is divorce so expensive?

A. Because it's worth it!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q. What is a Yankee?

A. The same as a quickie, but a Guy can do it alone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q. What do Tupperware and a Walrus have in common?

A. They both like a tight seal.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q. What do a Christmas tree and a Priest have in common?

A. Their balls are just for decoration.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q.What is the difference between 'ooooooh'and 'aaaaaaah'?

A. About three inches.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?

A. The grip.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q. How do you find a Blind Man in a nudist colony?

A. It's not hard.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Q: What's the difference between a Girlfriend and a Wife?

A: 45 pounds.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: What's the difference between a Boyfriend and a Husband?

A: 45 minutes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

A: Breasts don't have eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?

A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A . They don't have balls to scratch!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

OH, don't groan. You know darn well you're going to send this on to somebody.

Live well, laugh hard, & love dearly

Top
#46109 - 03/17/17 05:38 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#46122 - 03/18/17 05:55 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#46129 - 03/19/17 12:42 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#46150 - 03/21/17 04:47 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#46160 - 03/22/17 05:20 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#46176 - 03/23/17 07:04 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#46182 - 03/24/17 01:41 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Cast Offline
Outdoorsman

Registered: 03/19/16
Posts: 79
In a convent in Ireland, the 99-year-old Mother Superior lay quietly. She was dying. The nuns had gathered around her bed, laying garlands around her and trying to make her last journey comfortable. They wanted to give her warm milk to drink but she declined. One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Then, remembering a bottle of Irish Whiskey that had been received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.

Back at Mother Superior’s bed, they lifted her head gently and held the glass to her lips. The very frail nun drank a little, then a little more, and before they knew it, she had finished the whole glass down to the last drop. As her eyes brightened, the nuns thought it would be a good opportunity to have one last talk with their spiritual leader.

“Mother,” the nuns asked earnestly, “Please give us some of your wisdom before you leave us.”

She raised herself up very slowly in the bed on one elbow, looked at them and said, “DON’T SELL THAT COW.”
_________________________

Cast

I have a short attention spa



Top
#46197 - 03/26/17 10:07 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas
My wife has been watching that darn DIY tv show again!
I'm seeing a bathroom remodel being planned.


Top
#46221 - 03/27/17 08:30 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#46235 - 03/29/17 06:45 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#46238 - 03/29/17 12:54 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Cast Offline
Outdoorsman

Registered: 03/19/16
Posts: 79
_________________________

Cast

I have a short attention spa



Top
#46257 - 03/31/17 10:32 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Cast Offline
Outdoorsman

Registered: 03/19/16
Posts: 79
I have sex almost every day…

Almost Monday, almost Tuesday, almost Wednesday, almost Thursday, almost Friday, almost Saturday, and almost Sunday.



I have a bumper sticker that says, “Honk if you think I’m sexy!”

I just sit at green lights until I feel good about myself.
_________________________

Cast

I have a short attention spa



Top
#46272 - 04/02/17 03:10 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#46293 - 04/05/17 06:34 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#46320 - 04/08/17 02:19 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#46336 - 04/10/17 02:11 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas
Uh-oh, I know that look...........



Top
#46353 - 04/12/17 10:43 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#46361 - 04/13/17 07:34 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#46366 - 04/14/17 06:39 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#46390 - 04/17/17 08:33 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#46424 - 04/21/17 07:51 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#46436 - 04/22/17 07:12 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Capt. Guts Online   content
LFF Captain

Registered: 04/21/11
Posts: 8911
He decided to take a chance. He got her out of jail, took her to a cheap hotel and gave her two hundred dollars . .
He loved Monopoly night.

Top
#46459 - 04/25/17 08:20 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#46472 - 04/26/17 07:08 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas


Impossible!

Top
#46521 - 04/29/17 08:38 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas
Got some new socks.


Top
#46533 - 05/01/17 06:09 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#46606 - 05/06/17 08:17 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#46628 - 05/08/17 07:04 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#46636 - 05/09/17 06:24 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas
I wish this was a joke. Your Tax Dollars at Work!


Top
#46646 - 05/10/17 07:09 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas
If pigs could fly

Top
#46666 - 05/11/17 10:01 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#46690 - 05/13/17 09:23 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#46703 - 05/14/17 02:19 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#46708 - 05/14/17 07:17 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Capt. Guts Online   content
LFF Captain

Registered: 04/21/11
Posts: 8911
scared

Top
#46714 - 05/15/17 10:01 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#46728 - 05/17/17 09:34 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#46741 - 05/18/17 09:43 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#46774 - 05/21/17 07:43 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#46788 - 05/22/17 03:18 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#46807 - 05/24/17 02:01 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#46816 - 05/25/17 12:59 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas
Finally found a sweet "jolly rancher" candy.

Top
#46821 - 05/25/17 06:04 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Capt. Guts Online   content
LFF Captain

Registered: 04/21/11
Posts: 8911
happytime

Top
#46829 - 05/26/17 02:14 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#46832 - 05/26/17 03:06 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Capt. Guts Online   content
LFF Captain

Registered: 04/21/11
Posts: 8911
roflmao

Top
#46844 - 05/27/17 04:39 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#46852 - 05/28/17 10:45 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#46861 - 05/29/17 08:05 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#46889 - 06/02/17 07:44 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas
You have to increase the size on this one to read it (or at least....I do)

Top
#46893 - 06/02/17 09:07 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas
How about that Kathy Griffin (supposedly comedian). You know...the "beheading comedian", she doesn't seem to think the backlash she is getting now is too darn funny. It I'm loving it!

Top
#47065 - 06/23/17 07:17 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas
You have seen pharmaceutical advertising in doctor's offices on everything from tissues to note pads. This one should get First Prize.

I emailed it to my Japanese doctor friend; he emailed back: "If light stay on more than 4 hour, call erectrician."

Top
#47087 - 06/25/17 09:10 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Capt. Guts Online   content
LFF Captain

Registered: 04/21/11
Posts: 8911


Top
#47103 - 06/27/17 06:37 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
BernieOfCarthageTx Offline
Angler

Registered: 09/07/14
Posts: 490
The Medical Bills are going to be a BAD joke if they
dont FIX the Medical Industry like right now.
_________________________
The Best Lakes in the ArklaTex!
Toledo Bend Pinkston Murvaul
Caddo Cross Just take you pick!

Top
#47136 - 06/30/17 10:02 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas
You gotta read the box.


Top
#47176 - 07/03/17 09:30 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#47212 - 07/07/17 06:28 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas
Job posting. There is a possibility that you could hit the 15 dollar an hour target if you calculate in the benefits.


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#47257 - 07/13/17 09:14 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

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#47259 - 07/13/17 04:39 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Capt. Guts Online   content
LFF Captain

Registered: 04/21/11
Posts: 8911
roflmao

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#47261 - 07/13/17 08:22 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Capt. Guts Online   content
LFF Captain

Registered: 04/21/11
Posts: 8911


Hello! Is this Gordon's Pizza?

No sir, it's Google's Pizza.

Did I dial the wrong number?

No sir, Google bought the pizza store last week.

Oh, alright - then I’d like to place an order please.

Do you want the usual?

The usual? You know what my usual is?

According to the caller ID, the last 15 times you’ve ordered a 12-slice with double-cheese, sausage, and thick crust.

Okay - that’s what I want this time too.

May I suggest that this time you order an 8-slice with ricotta, arugula, and tomato instead?

No, I hate vegetables.

But your cholesterol is not good.

How do you know?

Through the subscribers guide. We have the results of your blood tests for the last 7 years.

Maybe so, but I don’t want the pizza you suggest – I already take medicine for high cholesterol.

But you haven’t taken the medicine regularly. 4 months ago you purchased a box of only 30 tablets from Drugsale Network

I bought more from another drugstore.

It's not showing on your credit card sir.

I paid in cash.

But according to your bank statement you did not withdraw that much cash.

I have another source of cash.

This is not showing on your last tax form, unless you got it from an undeclared income source.

WHAT THE HELL? ENOUGH! I'm sick of Google, Facebook, Twitter, and WhatsApp. I'm going to an island without internet, where there’s no cellphone line, and no one
to spy on me ...

I understand sir, but you’ll need to renew your passport ... it expired 5 weeks ago.

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#47262 - 07/13/17 10:04 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas
bang roflmao

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#47266 - 07/14/17 06:33 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas
THIS IS A PUBLIC HEALTH WARNING!! Very informative. DO NOT wash your hair in the shower!!

WHEN YOU SHOWER AND THE SHAMPOO RUNS DOWN YOUR BODY, STOP AND READ THE LABEL!
The approved warning is clearly posted: "FOR EXTRA BODY AND VOLUME" - no wonder I gained weight!


I now shower with Dawn dish washing soap. It's label reads "DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE."
Problem solved! You're welcome. Spread the word...

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#47311 - 07/18/17 08:08 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

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#47364 - 07/25/17 07:29 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Golf and Dentures:
A couple of old guys were golfing when one mentioned that he was going to go to Dr. Steinberg for a new set of dentures in the morning. His elderly buddy remarked that he, too, had gone to the very same dentist two years before. "Is that so?" asked the first old guy. "Did he do a good job? "The second oldster replied, "Well, I was on the golf course yesterday when a guy on the next fairway hooked a shot. The ball must have been going at least 180 mph when it slammed me right in the family jewels. "The first old guy was confused and asked, "What the heck does that have to do with your dentures?" "It was the first time in two years my teeth didn't hurt."

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#47418 - 07/30/17 05:16 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

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#47451 - 08/03/17 06:09 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

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#47473 - 08/07/17 05:01 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas
The Clever Old Man



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#47545 - 08/19/17 02:18 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas
Redneck fish finder


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#47602 - 08/25/17 03:38 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas
Anger Management class.

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#47668 - 08/31/17 06:15 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Capt. Guts Online   content
LFF Captain

Registered: 04/21/11
Posts: 8911

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#47689 - 09/04/17 02:49 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas
FEMA showed up with toilet paper.

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#47783 - 09/20/17 07:22 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Capt. Guts Online   content
LFF Captain

Registered: 04/21/11
Posts: 8911

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#47811 - 09/24/17 07:29 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

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#48911 - 03/16/18 02:51 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas
I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning.

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#48918 - 03/17/18 07:53 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas
The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute towards the floods in Pakistan. I said, "We'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway.

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#48919 - 03/17/18 08:25 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas
I can see this being replaced with a “Going out of business sale” sign.


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