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Max Online: 1455 @ 05/04/17 04:22 AM
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#47087 - 06/25/17 09:10 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Capt. Guts Online   content
LFF Captain

Registered: 04/21/11
Posts: 8911


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#47103 - 06/27/17 06:37 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
BernieOfCarthageTx Offline
Angler

Registered: 09/07/14
Posts: 490
The Medical Bills are going to be a BAD joke if they
dont FIX the Medical Industry like right now.
_________________________
The Best Lakes in the ArklaTex!
Toledo Bend Pinkston Murvaul
Caddo Cross Just take you pick!

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#47136 - 06/30/17 10:02 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas
You gotta read the box.


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#47176 - 07/03/17 09:30 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#47212 - 07/07/17 06:28 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas
Job posting. There is a possibility that you could hit the 15 dollar an hour target if you calculate in the benefits.


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#47257 - 07/13/17 09:14 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#47259 - 07/13/17 04:39 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Capt. Guts Online   content
LFF Captain

Registered: 04/21/11
Posts: 8911
roflmao

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#47261 - 07/13/17 08:22 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Capt. Guts Online   content
LFF Captain

Registered: 04/21/11
Posts: 8911


Hello! Is this Gordon's Pizza?

No sir, it's Google's Pizza.

Did I dial the wrong number?

No sir, Google bought the pizza store last week.

Oh, alright - then I’d like to place an order please.

Do you want the usual?

The usual? You know what my usual is?

According to the caller ID, the last 15 times you’ve ordered a 12-slice with double-cheese, sausage, and thick crust.

Okay - that’s what I want this time too.

May I suggest that this time you order an 8-slice with ricotta, arugula, and tomato instead?

No, I hate vegetables.

But your cholesterol is not good.

How do you know?

Through the subscribers guide. We have the results of your blood tests for the last 7 years.

Maybe so, but I don’t want the pizza you suggest – I already take medicine for high cholesterol.

But you haven’t taken the medicine regularly. 4 months ago you purchased a box of only 30 tablets from Drugsale Network

I bought more from another drugstore.

It's not showing on your credit card sir.

I paid in cash.

But according to your bank statement you did not withdraw that much cash.

I have another source of cash.

This is not showing on your last tax form, unless you got it from an undeclared income source.

WHAT THE HELL? ENOUGH! I'm sick of Google, Facebook, Twitter, and WhatsApp. I'm going to an island without internet, where there’s no cellphone line, and no one
to spy on me ...

I understand sir, but you’ll need to renew your passport ... it expired 5 weeks ago.

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#47262 - 07/13/17 10:04 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas
bang roflmao

Top
#47266 - 07/14/17 06:33 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas
THIS IS A PUBLIC HEALTH WARNING!! Very informative. DO NOT wash your hair in the shower!!

WHEN YOU SHOWER AND THE SHAMPOO RUNS DOWN YOUR BODY, STOP AND READ THE LABEL!
The approved warning is clearly posted: "FOR EXTRA BODY AND VOLUME" - no wonder I gained weight!


I now shower with Dawn dish washing soap. It's label reads "DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE."
Problem solved! You're welcome. Spread the word...

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#47311 - 07/18/17 08:08 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#47364 - 07/25/17 07:29 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Golf and Dentures:
A couple of old guys were golfing when one mentioned that he was going to go to Dr. Steinberg for a new set of dentures in the morning. His elderly buddy remarked that he, too, had gone to the very same dentist two years before. "Is that so?" asked the first old guy. "Did he do a good job? "The second oldster replied, "Well, I was on the golf course yesterday when a guy on the next fairway hooked a shot. The ball must have been going at least 180 mph when it slammed me right in the family jewels. "The first old guy was confused and asked, "What the heck does that have to do with your dentures?" "It was the first time in two years my teeth didn't hurt."

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#47418 - 07/30/17 05:16 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#47451 - 08/03/17 06:09 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

Top
#47473 - 08/07/17 05:01 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas
The Clever Old Man



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#47545 - 08/19/17 02:18 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas
Redneck fish finder


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#47602 - 08/25/17 03:38 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas
Anger Management class.

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#47668 - 08/31/17 06:15 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Capt. Guts Online   content
LFF Captain

Registered: 04/21/11
Posts: 8911

Top
#47689 - 09/04/17 02:49 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas
FEMA showed up with toilet paper.

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#47783 - 09/20/17 07:22 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Capt. Guts Online   content
LFF Captain

Registered: 04/21/11
Posts: 8911

Top
#47811 - 09/24/17 07:29 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas

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#48911 - 03/16/18 02:51 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas
I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning.

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#48918 - 03/17/18 07:53 AM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas
The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute towards the floods in Pakistan. I said, "We'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway.

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#48919 - 03/17/18 08:25 PM Re: Been slow, let's liven this place with a joke thread [Re: Cast]
Doctoordan Online   content
Extreme Angler

Registered: 06/05/15
Posts: 1510
Loc: Southeast Texas
I can see this being replaced with a “Going out of business sale” sign.


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